While I am
by this dried up well, battling against my disobedience, I hear the voice of the Shepherd
and Guide and I remember he said “whoever believes in me, streams of living
water will flow from within him.” Within me I feel dry and thirsty. I see
no water, no streams to flow from within me. There is only dry land around me so
I yell again, hoping I knew if God heard me. I still think he cannot hear me. I
am stuck by this dry well with the faint voice of my Savior who is also called
the Living Water. I am weary of thirst and need refreshing from this drought
that I am in.
While I am
talking to myself, I have found someone who also has felt like I do at times.
In Psalm 42
and 43 I find encouragement from someone who has felt like I feel in my
life. They are also gasping for living water for their souls. There is dryness
in their life that only the living God can quench. They feel distant from God
because of their sin and brokenness so much that they are experiencing drought
in their relationship with God. Here I find comfort knowing that I am not
alone. Many have come before me experiencing the same, and many also live now
and walk with God feeling the same as me. But I still want living water from
the living God. I know I had neglected him and dug up my own well that I am
trapped by. I learn this well cannot hold water. I know I am struggling because
I have depended on my own strength and turned my heart from my Savior. I have leaned on my own understanding and trusted in my flesh. I feel
like I am trapped in a desert and cannot generate enough strength to know where
I can meet with God. Instead of living waters, the only type of liquid I get is
my tears which roll slowly from my eyes to the side of my mouth every morning
and evening.
Worse than
this struggle I am experiencing, people are mocking me! I hear the enemy who is
louder than the whispers of my Shepherd. My enemy tells me that my God has
forgotten me by this dry well. The enemy hangs around me, telling me every
moment “your God is nowhere to be found.” So it causes me to remember those
times when things were good; those times when I used to sing aloud to God and
praise him with my heart and soul; those times when tears of joy flowed instead
of tears of sorrow. I not only joined in praise but even led those who sang
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving. I remember all those good times and wonder
why I am in a period of dryness now.
So I begin
speaking to my soul! “Why Soul!? Why are you so disturbed?" Why
are you so discouraged?” I tell myself to hope in God! Then I remember the
words of my Shepherd again when he said blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness for they will be filled. So I remember a place of waters and
begin to be encouraged that God owns all the oceans below and the waters above.
I hear clearer not only God’s voice but a song that is coming from his lips. I know God
is near and begin to forget my brokenness and struggle. I used to worship with
those who had joy in God, but I had come to be in the presence of those who didn't believe and oppressed me. Now I
am beginning to have hope in God again. He has rescued me from being oppressed
by the enemy. He has rescued me from the dominion of darkness. What is my
prayer now? I know he is near, so close! So what do I do? I reach out my hands and tell him that I
trust in him. I tell God that my confidence is in him and no one else. God stirs
my heart to desire him more; and as I desire him, he walks me beside still
waters, the Spring of Living Water where I find nourishment and strength.
There is
progress, my condition is getting better but I need to be set on a path. I ask
him to send his light and his truth to guide me. I remember that having
fellowship with God means to walk in the light. I remember that Jesus is the truth
and through him we have received from the fullness of God’s grace one blessing
after another. Instead of sitting next to the dried-up well, I get up to go on
a journey to the destination he has for those who love and fear him, the place where he dwells. Sorrow
is gone now, and I see how he works righteousness and justice for all the
oppressed. I go to God, and find that I do not delight in sin but instead he
has become my joy and delight. I have God who is my joy. I have God who is my
delight. I have God who is my strength. I am still on this journey even now
towards God’s holy mountain. I will not reach perfection in this life but I am
certain God is making me perfect as I walk on this journey with him.
As I
remember long ago, when I worshiped with others, now I am with other believers
who are on this journey towards the same place; God’s holy mountain. It is a
journey; I will not be perfect overnight, but over a lifetime leading to
eternity. God will continue to work out something until that day when our
Shepherd and Guide come to live with us. The times when I wander may come because
I am prone to it. But I carry this with me, that God who began a good work in
me will complete it until all things are made new. I serve a God who
accomplishes what he starts. I serve a God who is faithful and keeps his
promises. I serve the God who is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and
abounding in love. My soul! Trust in God! Love Him!
Isaiah 48:21
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