It was a day I remember vividly. It was August of 1999 while I was eight years old in Ghana. I knew our family which included my dad, mom and sister, were making preparations to go abroad to America. What I didn't know was my father was going ahead of us months earlier to make some additional preparations in order for my sister, my mom and I to be able to come in November.
I sat in my white plastic chair across my father at a restaurant in Accra, Ghana located directly across the airport, drinking an orange fanta, something I usually did not have the pleasure to enjoy. I remember it was just a get together with most of our family members from our hometown and the big city, coming to celebrate the opportunity the Lord was providing to build a new life in the U.S. What my parents didn't tell me was my father was leaving that same night to come to Texas. Being good parents, they thought I would throw a fit for many days to leave with my dad if they had told me earlier so they decided not to tell me till hours before the departure. I placed my straw in the cool orange fanta bottle, picked it up with two hands, afraid of dropping it and having everyone yell at me. Then I took a nice long sip, savoring the bubbly sensations created in my mouth.
That night had been a gathering filled with laughter as I remember it always were when my father came together with his brothers and sisters. The jokes that I understood, I laughed with them, glancing at my dad every once in a while looking to mimic his posture as any young man who looked up to his father. I finished my fanta and another one was provided. It seemed like heaven! Previously, we drank sodas at least once a year which was on the last day of school or Christmas. This time I got two sodas in one day! I was a very happy boy! My father then got up and thanked everyone for being there and shared with us the reason for the gathering. He announced he was thankful to the Lord to be blessing the entire family at large with this opportunity to move to the U.S. Then he said that he would be leaving that night to go to Texas. I remember it took a few seconds before it hit me that my Dad was leaving us before I started wailing. I do not remember if I was sobbing because I thought he was leaving us after promising we were going also, or if it was because everyone else was aware of it except me. But I remember that I cried and... I cried. All of the uncles came over to me, and tried to comfort me, even offered more fanta, but I continued crying. I recall my Dad coming over to me and assuring me that me, my sister Sheila, and my mom would be coming in three months time, and that I shouldn't worry or cry.
Here is a picture of the restaurant in June 2012, almost thirteen years after, with one of my uncles Richard who was also there in 1999.
I had what I would call a classic African relationship with my parents. Both of my parents were discipliners and comforters. They were both school teachers and knew how to guide children. I had a different relationship with each of them. I loved to wrestle my Dad, which most of the time ended up in crying to my mom. I always hoped to one day beat him as he would twist my arm till I was halfway laughing and halfway crying. I could never beat him. He would always play tricks on me and run away laughing and I would chase after him as if I were the parent. I enjoyed those times! I also loved how I would fall asleep after dinner at my grandmothers house and he would pick me up on his shoulders and carry me back to our house and I wouldn't know how I got back to the house the next morning.
Here is a video of my grandmothers house. If you have read my Christmas blog, at the end of this video, you will see where we took the 1998 Christmas picture that is posted
on my christmas blog.
There was a profound bond between my mother and I too. I was a clingy child. I would cling so much to my mother that I remember her always asking me if I wanted to go back into her stomach and and be born a second time. I would laugh at her and hugged her all the more. With my Dad it was doing manly things like going on bike rides to the deep village to get pineapples; going to our farm together to see the crops; and wrestling. Those were the activities that bonded us, and I thought that day at the restaurant in Accra it was all over. My mother was able to comfort me that night from the pain of feeling disunited from my father for months. My father immediately called upon arrival to the States and told us he was preparing the place for when we would come, and that I should continue to behave well.
November arrived, and on the 9th, twelve days before my ninth birthday, we finally arrived in New York. On the 10th, we had finally been united with my father again. What I remember that day at the restaurant in Accra is the hurt of my father leaving, and for a moment thinking if I would be seeing him again. As a young boy, I felt the pain of disunity. We have all felt that pain in many ways. The story I just described could be a small one. We have all experienced it in big ways and small ways. I do not think there is nothing like the pain of disunity. The pain seems to be never-ending. It reaches deep within the inmost part of being and shakes our perception of how we think things should be. Years later, when my family had a foundation in the States, both of my parents had a job, we had our own apartment, and I continued to feel the pain of disunity as time spent with our family decreased. At one point after arriving in the States, our family was having devotionals every Saturday morning, singing songs, praying, and reading the Bible together. I thank God for being rooted in those traditions even though then I did not like getting up early on Saturdays and missing out on my favorite cartoon shows. When my family departed from these devotions, confusion was seeping into the relationships of all of us, and I continued to feel the pain of disunity. I felt disunited from my parents, and it felt unbearable in my teenage years. Disunity is the foundation of most of our sorrows and until the patches are mended, we will continue to feel the most profound pain known to man, to be disunited from each other, and to feel disunited from God. I think it is one of the deepest pains we can feel. It is the pain of Adam and Eve sinning and being banished from the garden of Eden. Disunity is the pain of a mother weeping at her teenage son's funeral. It's the pain of a married couple having to deal with the death of their infant child. Disunity is also what Jesus momentarily felt on the cross. We miss a point of the cross when we restrict it to the physical pain and suffering of Christ. Jesus was whipped, tortured, and slaughtered, but then felt momentarily disunited from God. That is a profound pain! The sins of the world, the sins of you and I, placed on the Son, Jesus Christ momentarily disuniting him from the Father so that we might be united with him
forever. What a complex yet a beautiful story! I am thankful that the victory is God's and has been since the beginning! This story does not end with disunity but with UNITY. Jesus restores and reconciles all things! And as with the Apostle Paul in Romans 8:18, I can say that the present sufferings is not worth comparing to the future glory that will be revealed in us even though right now, v.22, we and the whole creation groan as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time, groaning inwardly and eagerly waiting for our adoption and redemption. Oh how I long for it!
Understand the most common promise in the Bible is not about blessings or heaven but is the fact of God saying "I will be with you". He said it to Enoch, he said it to Noah, Abraham, Moses, Sarah, Jacob, Joseph, Mary, Paul, and the Disciples. And he is saying that to you no matter where you find yourself. Walk with him. Love him. Be faithful to him. He will call to you and walk with you.